Whereas the observe was once engaged in principally by lovers of fem-dom/sub relationships inside the BDSM group, social media factors to its far broader enchantment. The hashtag #facesitting has over one million views on TikTok with movies on the subject racking up lots of of 1000’s of likes. Beneath, you’ll discover knowledgeable insights on face sitting together with the origins of the observe, why you may need to incorporate it into your intercourse life, and precisely how one can strive it.
What’s face sitting?
“Face sitting, or queening, refers to a sexual place the place one accomplice positions themselves in order that their genitals or anus are above their accomplice’s face,” says sexologist Lilith Foxx. It may be integrated as a part of foreplay or be the primary sexual exercise.
As a result of face sitting includes one accomplice being positioned bodily on high of the opposite, it will also be utilized in BDSM play, the place the particular person on high performs the dominant function, says intercourse educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom, MA. And within the BDSM group, that particular person has historically been one with a vulva, therefore the gendered time period of “queening.”
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However, anybody of any gender identification or organic intercourse could be on high and be the extra dominant accomplice. Or, face sitting doesn’t have to incorporate the facility play part in any respect, says Davis-Fainbloom. “Typically, it may simply operate as a distinct oral intercourse place to strive.”
What are the origins of this sexual act?
As famous above, face sitting originated inside a BDSM context and “highlights the eroticism of the ‘throne’ metaphor, with the sitter embodying the determine of energy,” says Foxx.
Although it’s rising in reputation now, face sitting is a centuries-old observe. “Its roots are in cis-gendered feminine dominance and male submission dynamics courting again to at the least Victorian occasions when the time period ‘queening stool’ was used for a specifically designed piece of furnishings facilitating this act,” says Foxx. (Consider a stool with a gap within the seat.)
“It’s extra about embodiment and empowerment and has nothing to do with genitalia.” —Niki Davis-Fainbloom, MA, intercourse educator
However once more, regardless of its fem-dom roots, queening is not restricted to any specific gendered set-up. “It’s extra about embodiment and empowerment and has nothing to do with genitalia,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Through the years, face sitting has additionally discovered a following amongst those that have kinks that don’t contain energy play. “Some folks benefit from the breath play or the degradation play that may include the bodily act of being smothered [during face sitting],” says Foxx.
Why chances are you’ll need to sit in your accomplice’s face for oral intercourse
There are a handful of psychological and bodily the explanation why the observe of face sitting is usually a pleasure-enhancing addition to your intercourse life, because it caters to a wide range of sexual pursuits and relationship dynamics.
From a psychological standpoint, there’s the potential for horny energy play famous above, which could be thrilling for a lot of, says Foxx. Each the receiving and the giving accomplice could be able of energy, relying on how they need to body their expertise. “There is a very distinct distinction in play between the receiving accomplice saying, ‘Get beneath your queen’s throne and repair her, slave!’ and the giving accomplice saying, ‘Sit down on this seat, and let your Grasp use you to his want,’” says Foxx.
On the bodily aspect of issues, face sitting may also permit the receiving accomplice to manage the tempo, stress, and space of stimulation, which may improve pleasure, says Foxx. That may be particularly useful for folks with vulvas, on condition that stimulation of the clitoris, specifically, typically facilitates the best, quickest path to orgasm. “Due to the potential for stress [on the clitoris] with face sitting, the place may help activate the nerve endings and supply extra pleasure,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Additionally, face sitting is an excellent oral intercourse place for folks with disabilities or who’ve problem shifting into sure positions. “All that the [giving partner] must do is lie down and use their tongue,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Another reason why chances are you’ll need to add face sitting into your sexual repertoire? It is a good way to change issues up and take a look at one thing new, provides Foxx. Analysis reveals that folks in long-term relationships who make an effort to interact in novel sexual actions collectively have increased relationship satisfaction ranges than those that don’t.
The right way to strive face sitting for the primary time, in accordance with intercourse consultants
If you happen to’re inquisitive about attempting queening with a accomplice, step one is to speak about it. “Open communication about consolation, boundaries, and pursuits is important,” says Foxx. Have a dialog at a time if you’re not about to have intercourse (or within the midst of getting intercourse), in order that there isn’t a stress in your accomplice to strive one thing new within the second, and you’ll each freely give consent.
Language and terminology can also be vital to contemplate throughout this dialog. Whereas face sitting is commonly known as “queening” within the context of BDSM, you and your accomplice actually don’t want to make use of this time period explicitly or in any respect (whether or not or not you are planning to incorporate energy play). If the time period would not enchantment, it’s a good suggestion to debate upfront what gender-neutral phrases you may use as a substitute; this information to non-binary names for doms and subs by sexologist Sunny Megatron is a superb place to begin.
One other factor to contemplate is security. Safewords—which denote when a accomplice wish to pause or cease a sexual scene or act—are important within the BDSM world, and they are often simply as helpful throughout any sexual exercise, particularly one which’s new to you and/or a accomplice. As a result of the giving accomplice may not have the ability to converse throughout face sitting, you might also need to determine on a non-verbal choice. “Non-verbal alerts, like a faucet or squeeze on the leg, could be agreed upon to speak when the beneath accomplice wants a break or a change,” says Foxx.
As for the face sitting itself, you too can experiment with completely different angles and positions to determine what works finest for you and your accomplice. “Relying on the bodily stimulation desired, the accomplice on high could need to hover barely, or if they’ve a penis, they could select to carry one knee as much as stability,” says Foxx.
Additionally, if the receiving accomplice (who can be positioned on high) has a incapacity, it is likely to be helpful to contemplate a chunk of intercourse furnishings like a queening chair; there are lots of completely different choices out there that may assist make face sitting simpler on the knees and hips. “If companions are enjoying on a mattress, the particular person receiving oral stimulation [who can kneel atop the giving partner] may also make the most of pillows and cushions to alleviate stress on the knees and shins, and elevate themselves if the accomplice giving the oral stimulation wants more room or airflow,” says Foxx.
The right way to make sitting in your accomplice’s face extra comfy and pleasurable
If you happen to really feel hesitant to strive face sitting (because the particular person on high) due to the physique positioning and the angle it’s going to grant your accomplice, know that you simply’re not alone. Foxx says this can be a widespread and legitimate insecurity, particularly amongst those that have poor physique picture—but it surely actually doesn’t imply it’s best to preserve your self from experiencing the potential pleasures of this intercourse place.
One approach to make the expertise extra comfy is to recommend that your accomplice be verbally encouraging as they have interaction. “It may be useful for the accomplice giving oral stimulation to affirm and reward the accomplice [on top] who’s to obtain,” says Foxx.
One other concept? You’ll be able to work your approach as much as the total face sitting expertise (fairly than diving proper in) by experimenting with different related intercourse positions first. “The 69 place [where one partner lies on top of the other, facing the opposite direction, and both partners give and receive oral] can present related sensations and energy play and is usually a great way for the particular person on high to get their thoughts off of being the main focus of consideration by stimulating their accomplice concurrently,” says Foxx, including {that a} variation of 69 the place each companions lie on their sides will also be an excellent one to strive.
“Face sitting is for everybody—no matter gender, measurement, anatomy, or sexuality,” says Foxx. So long as you and your accomplice set up clear consent and non-verbal methods to speak all through the expertise to make sure consolation, you’ll be able to calm down and benefit from the pleasure that queening presents, whether or not you’re giving or receiving.
